Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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