nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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