You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
