He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize