It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
