She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
two words: eviction party
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
