Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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