I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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