Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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