I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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