Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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