So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize