Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
