Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize