I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize