Where did you get a picture of my penis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's shark week go big or go home
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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