at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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