Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
