PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
