I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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