So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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