If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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