WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
