im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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