trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
