This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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