My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
