Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
