this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
