It's like a parade of train wrecks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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