dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You don't make any sense
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