If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
