There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I love you.
Bad choice
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
