I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
