remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
