so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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