I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
