with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize