Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
