Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
