It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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