I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
