oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My vagina is officially offended.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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