I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize