Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
