Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
