Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
