I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
