for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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