The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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