I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
