when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My pussy is not your playground.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
