I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
