You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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