im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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