I am in a vortex of obligation.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize