you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
