I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
