I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
