She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
