At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
