Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Randomize
