I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize