last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
