never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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