I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
