There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
