I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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