i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
