I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
