i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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