i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize