Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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