So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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