he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
