And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
