Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
