Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
