Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
