this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We are two peas in an std pod
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
