one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
