I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
