So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
