You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
