first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize