she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
