That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
