Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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