I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
