Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
