she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
