Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
