He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
